OT: Dad Joke Thread....

Currently my youngest son's favorite. And fits my nerdy engineering background... :D

Why can't you trust Adams?

Because they make up everything.

A man threw his milk at me yesterday. How dairy!

Got to break this one out today

There was this dyslexic agnostic amnesiac that lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

greediron wrote:
Got to break this one out today

There was this dyslexic agnostic amnesiac that lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

I had to think about that one for a minute!

What did the grapes say when it got stepped on?

Nothing, it just let out a little whine...

BOOM

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/AgRBYqD9rYA

Not a dad joke, but...

“There was a knock on our dressing-room door. Our manager shouted, 'Keith! Ron! The police are here!' Oh, man, we panicked, flushed everything down the john. Then the door opened and it was Stewart Copeland and Sting.” -Keith Richards

LabGeek wrote:
Currently my youngest son's favorite. And fits my nerdy engineering background... :D

Why can't you trust Adams?

Because they make up everything.

I think you meant "Atoms"

I used to play the piano by ear.
Now I use my hands.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.

Why do dogs run around in circles?

It's easier than trying to run in triangles.

Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He’s at the hospital waiting to be seen.

I wondered why the baseball was getting closer and closer. Then it hit me.

What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant? Swimming trunks.

What did one eye say to the other? “Between us, something smells.”

A woman is sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. 
A man leans in and asks, "do you mind of I say a word?".

"No, go right ahead" she replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, says "plethora", and sits back down.

"Thanks", the widow said. "That means a lot".

Horse walks into a bar
Bartender looks at him and says "why the long face?"

Did you know that before the crowbar was invented, crows simply drank at home.

Do you ever wake up, kiss the person beside you, and think about how lucky you are?

I did, and now I can't fly on that airline, anymore.

"My friends, I have a question: at your funeral, what would you want people to say as they looked at coffin?"

Friend 1: "That I was a good father, and a good friend".

Friend 2: "That I left some of this world better than I found it".

Friend 3: "LOOK, HE'S MOVING!".

I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.

I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

Can you still trust your farts???

JimmyinSD wrote:
Horse walks into a bar Bartender looks at him and says "why the long face?"

Horse replies: "Genetics"

greediron wrote:
Got to break this one out today

There was this dyslexic agnostic amnesiac that lay awake at night wondering if there really was a dog.

minor correction: instead of amnesiac (someone who lost his memory) use insomniac (someone who lays awake - has trouble sleeping). But funny joke nonetheless.

dadevike wrote:

minor correction: instead of amnesiac (someone who lost his memory) use insomniac (someone who lays awake - has trouble sleeping). But funny joke nonetheless.

Ok, I am the amnesiac and you are 100% correct.

Montana Tom wrote:

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia. She whispered, “They’re right behind you.”

I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know.

Haha, I like those.

Wife told me to add ketchup to the grocery list...Now I can't read the damn thing

"Honey, have you seen the dog bowl?"
I didnt know the dog could bowl?!